Ginger Unplugged

...at least in cooperation with Husband. He has several rules: No last names--like Taylor or Hunter or Harrison. No place names--like Dakota or Berkeley or India. No natural names--like Sage or Misty or Ginger. No names that rhyme with anything or remotely sound like anything else. So with this baby, here's the extent of our cooperating. Me: "How about Ellery?" Husband: "Rhymes with Celery." Me: "Embry?" Husband: "Embryo." Me: "I like Emery." Husband: "It's a nail file." Me: "What about Chloe?" Husband after a long pause wherein I KNOW he's trying to rhyme it with things starting with all 26 letters of the alphabet: "I kinda like Chloe." So there you are. Most of our kids' names are decided in the hospital. Is it my fault someone called Jared "Jarhead" when he was little? Whoever it was has ruined the naming of all my children forever. Thanks a lot!

If you take three left turns, you are going right. I remember all the dreams I've had. I stick them in this special box. In my head. Wouldn't it be funny if the world was so small when you looked forward you could only see the back of your head?

Today, after I volunteered in one my kids' classes, I decided to say a quick hello to my other two children at the school. This was in part because I love them and in part because they are having fantasies that they are terribly abused and are telling the home teachers about this in my presence in order to embarrass me (I think). I am trying to make them feel guilty about this stunt by all my niceness. Because really, if you're not a child abuser and you say you're not--who's going to believe you? I could KILL them!! (Hah, just kidding!!!!) Anyway, by the time I got to the last kid it was getting late--I almost didn't go but finally raced over and peeked in the window of his classroom. They were in the middle of math. At least twenty pairs of eyes were glued to the teacher, but Crash's eyes were glued everywhere else. He was front and center, squirming on his desk, around his desk, nearly under his desk and perhaps had just crawled out of his desk. I wondered i...