Ginger Unplugged

I have this marvelous plan to take my children one by one to visit their grandparents each month. One kid per month. Simple, right? But I wanted to ride the train to make it even simpler, and a little more exciting for the kids than driving. It's not working out so well. This is why one of my children (Butterfly) may never join me again:  Teaching her "street smarts" while walking through the railroad/homeless shelter area of Salt Lake City where the train lets off. Probably not smart to be there in the first place. "Don't worry kid. I have my finger on the pepper spray trigger." She didn't look comforted. My sweet grandma talking about what she feels is her imminent death for the bulk of our visit.  Our train hitting a deer going 80 mph on the way home. There are graphic details I will spare you. Butterfly, however, was not spared. Don't worry. The train didn't even wobble on impact. The man sitting across from us on the train explainin...

After our latest soccer experience with Monkey, I think I have new insight on how cheerleaders were invented. Caveman Monkey: No! No! I don't want to play. (This lasts for most of cave soccer and involves tears, whining and attempted bribery.) Cave Mom turns to Cave Butterfly in desperation: I'll give you some sugar cane if you can get him to play. Cave Buttefly's eyes light up. She then quietly begins to work on Cave Monkey. In two minutes Cave Monkey is playing while Cave Butterfly dances and sings from the sidelines before demanding her sugar cane. Voila! A reenactment of the invention of Cave Cheerleaders. I figure it wasn't too long before leaf pom-poms, flips in the air and silly costumes were necessary to coax shy Cave Monkies to get out on the field. Still. Whatever works. Cave Moms just HAD to see their sons play soccer.

My cell phone rings at 8:45 am in Walmart. Butterfly: Mom! Come home. (Sniffle, sniffle). My head hurts SO bad! Me: Oh sweetie, really? I'm so sorry. Who's in charge? Butterfly (crying): I am. Dad took Crash somewhere. Me: Oh no. So sorry! Go up to the medicine closet and...how else are you sick? Does your stomach hurt? How are your ears? Butterfly: Oh I'm not sick. Sleestack just keeps jumping on my head! Me: Um...the baby's jumping on your head? (A lady in the aisle starts smiling at this point.) Me: Okay...wait. Don't get the medicine. First, let's just have you get your head in a place where Sleestack can't jump on it. Buttefly (whimpering): Okay. Me: Better? Butterfly: Yes. Me: Now. Get a drink of water and remember the first rule of babysitting--Never let anyone jump on your head. Buttefly: Okay. Me: Call me in twenty minutes and let me know how you're feeling. I worry about the aisle-lady's sense of closure becaus...

All our kids' Christmas presents are bought except for Butterfly's. When I asked her what she wanted she just said, "Surprises, lots of surprises." I really had no clue what to get her. Husband wasn't going for the live hamster, I wasn't going for the robot one. What else is there? So we kept telling her all the interesting surprises she could get: rocks, underwear, nothing. Finally, she started to worry and wrote a letter to Santa. I actually don't think she believes in Santa but as soon as the kids stop believing in the tooth fairy she quits paying up. So Butterfly's hedging her bets in more ways than one. Her letter says: Christmas Dear Santa, I want (See...she's usually much more gracious than this.) A makeup kit CANDY!! Hair kit Face glasses Julrey D.S.I. (blue) Camra Spy romot car Scooter Skates Gift card for iTunes Mario Bro's Wii Princess Crowns 2 more Wii controllers Guitar Strings Trampoline Lipstick St...

You know how toll free numbers sometimes use letters? Like 1-800-BUY-STUF would mean you have to dial 1-800-289-7883. Well, Butterfly kindly discovered that the numbers for MOM on the phone are 666. Coincidence or the sign of the beast? She's having a great deal of fun with this.

Butterfly had a school assignment that told her to "Circle the compound word. Then write its meaning on the line." For snowflake she wrote "fluff of ice."

Monkey : Drew all over a card and then had someone draw a car on it, too. He's very proud of "his" car drawing. Butterfly : "Shoot for the moon even it you'll eand among the stars!" (That's what it really says). Plus, "The voilin's to you! The drums are to you!" (Trying to give away her siblings' instruments). She signed her siblings' names to the card, too. And wrote "I heart U. Happy Birthday. You are pretty." I am really enjoying the violin and drums. She also drew me a beautiful card with the both of us on it. AND also made another card that opens "like my laptop" where she's drawn my keyboard and screen in case the lappy and I are ever separated. Crash : Hi Mom! Happy birthday! You can try out all these FREE for only 5.00 (ha-ha) here are your airplanes. He stapled four miniature paper airplanes to the card with the following notes: This is your average F-14 Behold the 5-9 Korian Katana 8 B1-97 P.S. You...

Butterfly says: The biggest shadow on earth is "night."

Yeah, so just this morning I was blissfully admiring my amazingly bright children while organizing their cupboards, wiping off their counters, cooking their dinner, falling in the Wal-mart parking lot buying presents for their friends (Wal-mart and I have a hate-hate relationship--unfortunately we're stuck together). But it was all worth it! Because they (my children) were Turning Out . They were blooming. They were nearly BRAG WORTHY. And I really hate bragging. I even wrote that last braggy blog in all my "their blooming" bliss. And I didn't even mention how Butterfly has won the best behavior award in her class for two months running. How she got the coveted WOW award at school and is still floating around on cloud 9 about it. How she's better at being social than Oprah Winfrey (once she got over that meowing thing). Nor did I mention an email I got from Crash's teacher yesterday (you know, the "Can we please stick a shocking dog collar on him s...

Butterfly got to pick the movie for tonight and I expected a big sibling fight since I knew she'd choose either Cinderella or The Little Mermaid . She chose Iron Man !? We watched a heavily-edited-for-children version last week and apparently, she's been playing it at recess with a friend. "I'm Tony and my friend is Pepper. Plus we have dogs that fly, too." She then launched into her version of the "Iron Man" song by Black Sabbath complete with the catchy guitar solo in the intro. "Pepper" taught her the words. I was beginning to wonder what exactly had become of the girly girl I know and love when Husband produced a new Sleeping Beauty DVD and Butterfly promptly decided we should watch it instead. I was thrilled. It's worth a fight to preserve the illusion that we still have a princess in the house.

Many parents have predictions about what their kids will be when they grow up. Here are mine. Princess: Rainbow Warrior for Greenpeace Crash: Brilliant Scientist with a tendency to lose his shoes Butterfly: The owner of a purse and poodle store. You know, buy a bag to match your pet? Monkey: Iron Man. I've thought very deeply about this. There just isn't any other career that will contain him. I hope to teach him better values about the female gender. But other than that, he's perfect for the job.

Butterfly ran up in high drama the other day. "Mom! I hate it when Sister says," (Butterfly now imitates Sister's whiny teasing voice) "Oooooh, did the little princess get hurt by a leaf? Ouch that must have hurt! And stuff like that, it makes me feel so bad. AND SHE WOULDN'T stop!" I gave Butterfly a hug as she cried and then she looked up at me with these huge eyes she has, grinned and said, "So I hit her with my bike."

I usually claim the 4th of July as my favorite holiday. Why? Here's my reasoning: You get to blow stuff up. No presents to buy. In fact, hardly any preparations at all. Got hot dogs? You're good to go. Everywhere's still open, so if you don't have hot dogs, you can still get some. No expectations other than #1. No expectations=no disappointment. Sparklers are pretty. No morphed pagan traditions to explain. I love my country and that whole Star-spangled Banner thing gets me right HERE (thumping my heart with a sparkley tear in my eye). Happy Independence Day. At the parade. Flying Monkeys everywhere. Is it just me, or do they both have the same exact expression on their faces? And, finally, the quote of the day by Butterfly who was enveloped in sparkler smoke: "I HATE it when smoke follows pretty people!!!"

Butterfly is quite the lyricist. She sings her own songs all the time (much to Crash's dismay). Here is one she made for me trying to get me to take her on my date with Husband tonight (sung very much like a dramatic Little Mermaid). I Can Do Anything What will I do? I don't want to go. I'll be so sad, all on my own. All alone, alone, alone on my date. I'll miss my kids, they'll all be at home What will I do I'll be so alone alone, alone, alone I know! I'll take my kids with me take them with me on my date my date Because I can do anything anything I can do anything and I'll take them with me Because I can do anything anything, anything ANYTHING Except eat chocolate chips.

Now you'll see why I haven't had much time to blog! Drove to dinner in Plain City (of all places) on Mother's Day. While Princess was throwing up in the back seat, lo and behold, I ACTUALLY FOUND THE ADDRESS with no real trouble--especially considering I was given bad directions. Most of you have no idea how miraculous this is, but some of you do. Yeah, I know...me finding my way? SCARY. I chalk it up to Mother's Day blessings from above. Spent and incredible afternoon riding my new Mother's Day bike to the grocery store up our river trail with Butterfly leading the way and Monkey in the bike trailer. It was gorgeous and butterfly was amazing. She went through at least 5 tunnels with a good 6 inches of water in them--one had a fountain bubbling up she had to go over. She thought is was the coolest thing ever. And can I just say, that pretty much NOTHING fits in my eco-friendly fabric grocery sack? The one I paid TWENTY dollars for? A couple days later another,...

I really didn't mean for this to turn into a trauma log (sort of like a travel log but fewer coconuts). I guess sometimes life's just like that. Butterfly broke her leg! She was out riding her bike which she was just saying was her absolute favorite thing in the world to do. "Even better than friends," which I think was an exaggeration but tells you how much she loves it. She attempted to turn around in our garage and the bike slipped out from under her. She has a long twisty break in her shin but it didn't actually move the bone anywhere. So she didn't need to have it set--just splinted. She crawls around and gets carried a lot and pushed in her stroller all during school (bless her teacher). Flying Monkey is quite jealous. They've been seeing which of them can get the most attention by hollering in the middle of the night. So far, they're pretty evenly tied. But I digress...I'm working on very little sleep here. I was in so much shock at the doct...

An actual conversation: "Crash, what's negative blood?" Big eyes. Big smile. "Oh, MOM! Don't tell her! We were just playing! I swear. Come on. Please?!" "Don't tell who, what?" "Wait, nevermind." "What are you talking about, Crash?" "Nothing." "TELL ME." "Uuuuuuh, I'm trying to get Butterfly to believe we have ghosts in our house but I said she can't see them because she doesn't have negative blood." "How do you know what kind of blood she has." "I don't. I just told her that. Don't tell. Please, please, please!!!"