Ginger Unplugged

All our kids' Christmas presents are bought except for Butterfly's. When I asked her what she wanted she just said, "Surprises, lots of surprises." I really had no clue what to get her. Husband wasn't going for the live hamster, I wasn't going for the robot one. What else is there? So we kept telling her all the interesting surprises she could get: rocks, underwear, nothing. Finally, she started to worry and wrote a letter to Santa. I actually don't think she believes in Santa but as soon as the kids stop believing in the tooth fairy she quits paying up. So Butterfly's hedging her bets in more ways than one. Her letter says: Christmas Dear Santa, I want (See...she's usually much more gracious than this.) A makeup kit CANDY!! Hair kit Face glasses Julrey D.S.I. (blue) Camra Spy romot car Scooter Skates Gift card for iTunes Mario Bro's Wii Princess Crowns 2 more Wii controllers Guitar Strings Trampoline Lipstick St...

Monkey's preschool teacher (who is undoubtedly THE best preschool teacher in existence) did this little interview, typed it up and gave it to me for Thanksgiving. What store would you buy a turkey from? "The turkey store, Ms. Cathy. Everyone knows that." How much do you think a turkey would cost? "Three." How would you cook a turkey, Monkey? "Get three turkeys and put them on the grill. You can eat some toast but no jelly while you are waiting for the turkey to cook." Monkey, would you put anything on the turkey to make it tasty? "Thank you for reminding me. Like 2 bottles of salt and 1 bottle of pepper." Obviously, a great chef in the making. And polite, too.

On Christmas morning, my grandma likes us to go to her house for breakfast. She makes the Li'l Smokies and we make our own eggs. I'm sure Grandma does more, but I only remember the Li'l Smokies--mainly because I make it a point the rest of the year to never eat anything with the words "Li'l" or "Smokies" in it. That taste stays with you for weeks. But anyway, there I was making Husband and a kid or two some eggs. Scrambled. With a little bit of milk and garlic salt. Enter someone who shall go nameless that said, "You're putting milk in your eggs?" "Um, yes." I don't know what exact words followed but the general idea was that putting milk in scrambled eggs is pretty much the nightmare of cooking faux pas. I do remember someone else saying, "Sure glad I don't have to eat those eggs." I won't even get into specifics about the garlic salt. And what were they doing in that 1950's kitchen anyway...

Crash: I had the freakiest substitute today! Me: Are you okay? Was it a man or woman? Did they attack you? Crash (giving me a weird look): Woman. Princess: Was she this tall with a face like a melted pumpkin? Crash: That's the one! Okay, how did Princess even know to ask that? And how did they end up with the same sub. Ever? Brothers and sisters just have weird connections I guess.

Crash's latest theory of infinity goes like this: Infinity isn't so much a number as it is the beginning of the next dimension to our own. Because if we had a four dimensional object compared to our three dimensions, we call it infinity. But it's really just four dimensions and we only use three. These are the things that my 11-year-old occupies himself with. This, and juggling knives--we try to keep him well rounded.

Monkey brought home these little pom poms from preschool the other day and immediately demanded tweezers and two plates to go with them. Apparently he's supposed to be learning eye-hand coordination and developing finger muscles by tweezing the colorful little fluffy things from one plate to the other. He eventually left them to go play with friends. As soon as he was gone, Sleestack, who'd been studying the whole process, climbed up into his chair. Instead of the tweezers though, she went for the salt. She salted, salted and salted until the plate resembled the beach of the Great Salt Lake (I know, I've been there). Only then did she grab the tweezers to stick one in her mouth. She made a disgusted face but then caught me watching her. She started nodding and tried to smile while saying, "Mmmmmm." I'm not sure if she wants me to think she's a good cook or what, but I was really worried when I checked back later and they were all missing. I had flashbacks ...