Ginger Unplugged

This was uttered around my kitchen table just yesterday: "Spread eagle on top of a farting chicken, now there's a place I never want to be." Closely followed in funniness by the conversation: "A cricket, get it!" "I can't, the antennae are missing!" "What happened to them?" "Baby must have gotten to it first." Which was a delight to listen in on compared to the most inane conversation of the week: "Most tornadoes are a mile wide." "Are you sure? A mile is pretty big." (Big fight over how sure Tornado Boy is that most are a mile wide.) "I am thinking that maybe most are a mile tall," I offer in consolation. "How can they be a mile tall? Clouds don't get that close to the earth." "Are you crazy? Clouds even touch the earth all the time, it's called fog." "Yeah well tornados don't happen in the fog. Plus, if clouds are so close to the earth then why does it take us ...

I have been studying my baby over the past few days trying to understand why he does certain things. Here are some of my conclusions. My baby's thoughts: If I ram it with my head, it might just open. Anything on the floor would be better in my mouth. Tissues are evil. Scream when you see them. If tissues are on the floor, it is better if they are in my mouth and then I scream at them. I must get that cat in my mouth, but he is too fast. So I scream at him, too. Sisters are coming. They are worse than tissues. I have only one tooth. This doesn't matter so long as I use it well. Gnawing sisters with my tooth makes THEM scream. Cool. Was that a cricket? Showing everyone my tooth makes them get closer. Then I can gnaw them more easily. I will let you know as I decode more of his ideas. Till then, watch your cat. They all have to sleep sometime.

A few weeks ago several women in my church group got together and decided it would be fun to do a mini Parade of Homes through our neighborhood--you know, where people tramp through houses to get ideas for their own ( I think that's what they do anyway, I have never actually attended a Parade of Homes). Did these Christian women decide to parade through their own homes like the selfless and giving daughters of God that they are? NO. They want to parade through mine. MINE. Yes, yes, I KNOW I could have said, "no." I really do know this. Thank you for the emails with the practice exercises attached, by the way. Unfortunately, they came too late because here I am cleaning and cleaning and I just can't stop. I have a problem. I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). If you are an alcoholic, you do not go to bars, wild parties or the refrigerated section of gas stations. If you are OCD, you do not clean. Unless you REALLY want to clean. But with a possible one hundred w...