Ginger Unplugged

Our house is currently covered in balloons--well, at least the floor of our house. Monkey has taken to setting them over the heater vent to see them float, which is pretty impressive I have to admit. He is also enjoying playing with a brand spankin' new Thomas the Train bouncy ball. For whatever reason, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to teach him the science of "Heavy and Light." Me: Hey Monkey, those balloons look so cool, do you think your ball will float? Monkey: Yep. Me: Let's try it. (The ball doesn't float.) Me: Why do you think it doesn't float? Monkey: I don't know. Me: Is it heavier than the balloons? Monkey: Yep, it's heavier. Me: The balloons are lighter. Monkey: Oh yeah. We don't have dark balloons. Me: No, I mean the ball is heavy, not light. The balloons are light, not heavy. Monkey: Right, the ball isn't light like the Sun. Me: Well, true. But it's heavy. That's why it doesn...

I can't help wondering who did this and why, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with some ancient calendrical system brought to my neighborhood by aliens.

Crash got the coveted "WOW" award at school yesterday. Each class in the school picks one kid for the month to receive it and they get a certificate, a special pencil, and their picture taped up until the next WOW awards come out. It doesn't sound like much but they get them in a school assembly which apparently gives a big bang for its buck. Just to give you an idea, my girls have come home with WOW awards that say "For always being on task and a good example to everyone," and "Broke the school record for passing off the 12th grade reading level." Crash's says, "Has made a complete turn around in his behavior, social, and organizational skills. He is a brilliant thinker, amazing scientist, entertaining writer, and fun person to be around." What do I say in all my 9th month of pregnancy crankiness--I MEAN--sassiness? "So basically it says you really used to have crappy skills but now you're doing better?" Luckily, the kids ...

Me (to a friend): I don't like cantaloupe--I'm not really a melon person. Crash (interrupting): WHAT!? A cantaloupe isn't a melon (laughing hysterically). Me: Uh…what is it then? Crash (speaking like I am the dumbest mother on earth): An animal!? Hello… Me (trying to keep friend and Princess from laughing): Really. What does a cantaloupe look like? Crash: It’s like a cross between a camel and a kangaroo. He is dead serious. Me: Um, do you mean an antelope? Crash: Pfff, NO! Me: A jackalope? Crash: A CANTaloupe. A CANTaloupe! Me: Okay, so uh, does it have a hump like a camel? Crash: No. Me: Does it have a tail like a kangaroo? Does it jump? Crash: No. Me: So what parts are like a camel? Crash: The face and the legs. Me: What parts are like a kangaroo? Crash: The sleek lean body. I am laughing hysterically at this point. Me: Where does it live? Crash: Either a barren wasteland or the jungle. Me ( Looking up "cantaloupe" on Wikipedia …source of all knowledge): Crash, ...

Not my pregnant pain, not my hang-nail-chapped-lip pain or even the weird girl pain I get when not following the strictest diet known to man... but Amazon.com PERFECTLY understands my "Child's Astrophysics" pain. Last night a friend of mine asked if I'd ever considered writing a child's guide to astrophysics. This is because I pester him constantly about things like black holes, infrared light and the special theory of relativity on behalf of Crash (my nine year old). I think my friend is trying to get me to do my own research. Anyway, I figured maybe there were already twenty or so such guides and wondered why I hadn't thought of that. I searched Amazon's books for "Child's Astrophysics" and came up with nothing relevant for my boy's search for meaning. But still, they understand my pain. Here are some of the titles that popped up: Helping Your Unique Child Thrive in a Cookie-Cutter World An Adult's Guide to What's ...

If you eat a Lemon Head and then a sturdy tortilla chip immediately after, it tastes exactly like Froot Loops. No. I shouldn't be eating Lemon Heads. Or Froot Loops.

What I was trying to teach Flying Monkey : Don't Bite. I tried to teach him this by putting him down whenever he bit me. What the Flying Monkey learned : If I want to get down, bite.