Ginger Unplugged

Fall is here. The leaves are changing colors, the pumpkins are ready for picking and neighbors are hanging witches on their porches-- decorative witches of course, or I might be in big trouble. In honor of fall, here's a new list: Ginger's Most Memorable Falls 1. Most recent fall : I was carrying the baby's carseat, diaper bag, scriptures, etc. into church when my shoe came off at the same time I was stepping over a curb. I sacrificed everything for the baby, of course, and books and diapers went flying and I skinned my knee. I just lay there awhile waving at people going into church. "No, no, I'm fine. Really." 2. Waterfalls: I once hiked to a waterfall with my mom and sister. On the way down every baby rattlesnake in existence had come out to sun itself wherever we wanted to step (Indiana Jones pfffff, whatever). My teenage sister refused to go forward or backward or anywhere and my mom had to carry her! Actually, I think we took turns carrying but not long...

Last night son's remaining turtle, Claws died. This morning Slither, the long-tailed lizard, followed Claws into the great reptile habitat in the sky. We are thinking, sadly, that we have not kept them warm enough somehow even though we did have two lights...we're not sure. At any rate, we are coping. I perhaps should have known when Slither was rolling around in his cage that something was up. Do lizards normally roll? And when he let us pet him last night, I just thought he was being friendly. Maybe he was. We are better with frogs, fish and stray cats I think. But my son really did all we knew how.

This was uttered around my kitchen table just yesterday: "Spread eagle on top of a farting chicken, now there's a place I never want to be." Closely followed in funniness by the conversation: "A cricket, get it!" "I can't, the antennae are missing!" "What happened to them?" "Baby must have gotten to it first." Which was a delight to listen in on compared to the most inane conversation of the week: "Most tornadoes are a mile wide." "Are you sure? A mile is pretty big." (Big fight over how sure Tornado Boy is that most are a mile wide.) "I am thinking that maybe most are a mile tall," I offer in consolation. "How can they be a mile tall? Clouds don't get that close to the earth." "Are you crazy? Clouds even touch the earth all the time, it's called fog." "Yeah well tornados don't happen in the fog. Plus, if clouds are so close to the earth then why does it take us ...

I have been studying my baby over the past few days trying to understand why he does certain things. Here are some of my conclusions. My baby's thoughts: If I ram it with my head, it might just open. Anything on the floor would be better in my mouth. Tissues are evil. Scream when you see them. If tissues are on the floor, it is better if they are in my mouth and then I scream at them. I must get that cat in my mouth, but he is too fast. So I scream at him, too. Sisters are coming. They are worse than tissues. I have only one tooth. This doesn't matter so long as I use it well. Gnawing sisters with my tooth makes THEM scream. Cool. Was that a cricket? Showing everyone my tooth makes them get closer. Then I can gnaw them more easily. I will let you know as I decode more of his ideas. Till then, watch your cat. They all have to sleep sometime.

A few weeks ago several women in my church group got together and decided it would be fun to do a mini Parade of Homes through our neighborhood--you know, where people tramp through houses to get ideas for their own ( I think that's what they do anyway, I have never actually attended a Parade of Homes). Did these Christian women decide to parade through their own homes like the selfless and giving daughters of God that they are? NO. They want to parade through mine. MINE. Yes, yes, I KNOW I could have said, "no." I really do know this. Thank you for the emails with the practice exercises attached, by the way. Unfortunately, they came too late because here I am cleaning and cleaning and I just can't stop. I have a problem. I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). If you are an alcoholic, you do not go to bars, wild parties or the refrigerated section of gas stations. If you are OCD, you do not clean. Unless you REALLY want to clean. But with a possible one hundred w...

The opposite of go isn't "stop." It's "go backwards." "Stop" is just the middle. (Crash is my oldest son. He has issues with his real nickname--Sunshine.)