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Hunt for the Mythical Cantaloupe

Me (to a friend): I don't like cantaloupe--I'm not really a melon person.

Crash (interrupting): WHAT!? A cantaloupe isn't a melon (laughing hysterically).

Me: Uh…what is it then?

Crash (speaking like I am the dumbest mother on earth): An animal!? Hello…

Me (trying to keep friend and Princess from laughing): Really. What does a cantaloupe look like?

Crash: It’s like a cross between a camel and a kangaroo.

He is dead serious.

Me: Um, do you mean an antelope?



Crash: Pfff, NO!

Me: A jackalope?



Crash: A CANTaloupe. A CANTaloupe!

Me: Okay, so uh, does it have a hump like a camel?

Crash: No.

Me: Does it have a tail like a kangaroo? Does it jump?

Crash: No.

Me: So what parts are like a camel?

Crash: The face and the legs.

Me: What parts are like a kangaroo?

Crash: The sleek lean body.

I am laughing hysterically at this point.

Me: Where does it live?

Crash: Either a barren wasteland or the jungle.

Me (Looking up "cantaloupe" on Wikipedia…source of all knowledge): Crash, this is a cantaloupe.



Crash: OOOOOH, I mean a CATaloupe.

Me: You’ve gotta be kidding.

Crash: No, it’s a CATaloupe. A CATaloupe.

Me: Fine. Look. When I google “cataloupe” it says, “Did you mean…CANTaloupe?”

Crash: No look there it is! “Cantaloupe Melon Desert!!” Oh wait. Does that say, “dessert?”

Me: Sorry Crash.

He is still convinced there is a camel/kangaroo hybrid out there with no humps or jumping abilities, if only we could remember what it’s called.

For now, we call it a cantaloupe.
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