Skip to main content

At the Dinner Table

Crash: "Oh dang!"

Me: "What?"

Crash: "I forgot to chew."

A conversation ensues about how you are supposed to chew each bite of food 50 times. No one believed me. I told them I'd read it somewhere. (Okay, that's probably not true, I read something about how many times you should chew but I can't remember the figure.)

Crash: "50 TIMES!? No way. I gag if I try and chew 50 times. You gotta check out this video on youtube. There's this X-ray of this guy eating an apple and he seriously chews twice and swallows. That bite was totally vaporized."

First of all, Crash doesn't watch youtube as far as I know. And I have a pretty good handle on the computer stuff going on. Second, I guess I'm not the only one that totally makes up bogus chewing statistics in this family.

Nice legacy I'm leaving.

But at least maybe he'll remember to chew every bite at least twice. Usually.

Comments

Jess said…
I love Crash. He cracks me up! Please please please keep sharing his wisdome with the world. :)

Popular posts from this blog

Thanks for Commenting on This Post

A caring friend bought me a book a while ago called something like How to Cope, Now That You Have Children Smarter Than You . Okay, that's not really the title but that's what the title really means. At least, I think it does. I'll ask one of my kids and report back... Anyway. I'm embarrassed that I haven't made it all the way through yet but I did start taking the book's suggestions immediately. Suggestion #1: "Thank your children in advance for good behavior." The reasoning goes that it shows your good faith in them and inspires them to follow through with what you asked. Easy, right? This is how it looked at our house. Me: Thank you, Princess, for putting your shoes away. Princess: Uh, I haven't taken my shoes off yet, Mom. (Looks at me like I've dropped a few IQ points.) Me: Yes well, I'm thanking you in advance. Princess: Okaaaaaaay...? Try number two: Me: Thanks, Crash for taking out the trash. Crash: I didn't ...

Mom, What Should I Do?

Like all Moms I hate the phrase, "Mom! What should I do?" I usually claim I can think of lots of things and start giving them work around the house until they magically come up with something to do on their own. Trouble is, they're so well trained now, most of the housework I actually want them to do (those things besides painting the bathrooms or pruning the roses) is actually done. So I got out a list Butterfly's online school sent me for the summer. "40 Things To Do The Next Time You Are Bored!" I told Crash--surprisingly the most bored of my children--that when he asked me for something to do I'd make him pick a number and he'd have to do whatever the list said. He quickly chose #27. "Order a pizza." I accused him of cheating and hid the list but to prove I wasn't kidding, I ordered him a pizza. Paybacks were today when he chose #4. "Bead some bracelets and sell them for charity." The bracelets turned into toe rings ...

Ron, Joe, Larry and Leo: A Crash Course in People

Tom Clancy once said, "Every person you meet is another opportunity to learn." He said it like it was a good thing, but after my latest camping experience I've just had a crash course in people--and it wasn't my favorite. We pulled into camp to find a boyscout troop taking up one of the areas and three single guys taking up all the rest. My dad quickly made friends with RON who said we could share his fire pit. JOE said we were good to pull in as well. Unfortunately, we didn't check with LARRY as he wasn't even in our immediate vicinity. Had I known about LEO, we may never have pulled in at all. Before we'd been there long, Larry (the guy we didn't check with) had turned up his eclectic oldies-country-jazz-big band music as loud as he could without blowing a speaker, then waited for me to go fight with him about it. Honestly, some of it wasn't bad, but I swear he was trying to find all his B-sides. I was really nice as I told him my "s...