Tips from Ms. MacGyver So I Can Be Prepared for...?

The power went out over here the other night. Big deal, right? But I swear Husband woke up the second it happened, like at 1:00 in the morning. Most people wake up to loud noises. How do you wake up from a power outage, I ask you.

Anyway, we looked up the street and there wasn't any power anywhere. Now a normal person would just roll over in bed and enjoy the silence. I am, well, not normal and especially not when I've been woken up at 1:00 am. After ordering my husband to do things I can barely remember ("Do we have to unplug the refrigerator?", "Should we gather in one room to conserve body heat?") I laid in bed obsessing over the fact that we had no heat source. It was 1 degree outside, after all. Could we light a bunch of candles and gather around them? Why did we never get that fireplace put in?

The power came on a couple of hours later. I was relieved that my fears of mass destruction due to alien invasion were most likely untrue. Or at least the aliens were agreed on letting our heater work. That had to be a good sign. But what if the power hadn't come on?

So like any panic stricken mother on too little sleep I hung out in the parking lot of Emergency Essentials the next morning until they opened. I tried to act casual like I shopped there all the time until I finally said, "Hey. Uh, by the way, do you have any heaters?" That question of course led to another until I was hanging out by the solar powered generators.

As the salesman told me about these $3000 dollar wonders of the modern age, a lady no one seemed to know began to offer her opinions. Something like, "Well when I was in charge of relief efforts for Hurricane Sandy, those generators worked fabulously. We attach the solar panels all over the truck as we drive and by the time we get there we can run New York City." Like I said, it was just sort of something like that. My mom accuses me of listening a little too well to strangers on the street. So do the police in Ogden, Utah. And my mission president in Poland.

So before I knew it, I was listening to this woman's tips on everything from how to shade your desert tent with an emergency blanket (it takes TWO reflective blankets, not just one. TWO!) to which floors to stay on in a hotel. I am embarrassed to say I whipped out my phone and actually took notes.

The whole time in my sleep deprived state I was wondering three things. (1) Just why am I here anyway? (2) Is there some imminent catastrophe I have to be preparing for to justify this woman telling me every survival tactic I might ever need? And (3), am I the one with needs here, or is this woman the one with needs?

Anyway, after a good night's sleep I didn't feel frenzied enough to follow through with any of my emergency preparedness efforts and so perhaps I need to pass these ideas along to you. You never know. And then I won't feel so silly about the note thing.

• Get the N95 masks. No other masks will do. N95s or death. Take them everywhere.
• You need a DuPont white jumpsuit. Can't remember exactly what for but you stick it in a bucket of...
• Boot wash for chicken farms that you get at a farm supply store. You also keep this at your front door. No one comes into your house with shoes. And all shoes are washed with the chicken farm cleaner. 
• The very first thing you EVER do for preparedness is write a note to your kids who go to school and stick it in their backpack. Assure them you will come for them as soon as you can. And pack foods they need in a suction bag thing...seal and save? I don't know. Apparently everyone has these but me. 
• Antibacterial gel in the car. Whenever you get in the car from wherever you've been, gel yourself up! And your kids. And gel them when they get home from school.
• For the love of all things bright and beautiful, do not EVER use those hand dryers in a public restroom.
• The first day you get a cold, drink a gallon of hot lemonade (one part lemon juice, one part water) and sweeten with splenda. Ms. MacGyver hasn't been sick for eleven years, except now. Because she was on a trip and didn't have her lemonade.
• Never travel on an airplane without Ibuprofen. If you or your child gets a fever, in most countries you will be quarantined--and not with your child. 
• Always take gaffers' tape to a hotel. This is to tape up the door in case of a fire. You could use wet towels too.
• Never stay above the 12th floor in a hotel. Firetruck ladders can only reach to the 12th floor. 
• And just so you know, if the fire alarms do go off in your hotel, there really is a fire. No matter what the hotel tells you.

There was a lot more than this. A lot more. (You should hear about Rotavirus and RSV in China.) Needless to say, I was a little overwhelmed.

Soooooo, I left without a heater because I had to take my kid to the orthodontist in a rush, but I have the lady's phone number because she wants to show me how she grows 600 pounds of vegetables a year in her backyard. And I'm still wondering if she really is the head of, well, every impressive health organization known to man. I don't dare call her. But I'm sure I'll wish I had when I am in a situation where I remember what the heck I needed the jumpsuit for.

Next time, I'm planning on just rolling over in bed.