Skip to main content

Never

I was informed by my children today that I should never say "never, never." Because, apparently, when you say "never, never" it means you will. Let me demonstrate.

"I will never never eat another oyster" means that I will eat an oyster some time because I will never NEVER eat another oyster. Those capital letters are important.

My head hurts just trying to understand what "never never never" means.

All I know is that that in the end if anyone comes at me with an oyster, I would rather chop off my jawbone than eat it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Christmas is Going to Kill Me

I am not a Christmas person. I know, it's sad--I have friends who've mourned the fact for years. "Just watch It's a Wonderful Life this one last time," they say. But I always pass out from dizziness halfway through from rolling my eyes so much. Maybe it would work better if we started the show in the middle? As for the day itself, I think my expectations are too high . My perfect holiday involves this vision of children quietly playing with new toys in a sparkling clean house having eaten some wonderful breakfast that a catering company dropped off invisibly and unpaid for while I gaze out the window at gently falling snow sipping hot chocolate. I look forward to sledding in the afternoon. My husband puts an arm around me; someone starts singing "The First Noel" in the background and then (just like It's a Wonderful Life ) I have to change the channel or something due to over-cheesiness. That is so not like Christmas. In the real world, we force...
Post a Comment
Read more
 2023 Roundup of Me and My People (AKA The Christmas Letter that got sent to 6 people because they are my children or also sent me a card) My computer is fighting with me. Or maybe it's fighting with the internet. At any rate, no pictures this year but rest assured we are all still very cute. ASHA is happily living and working in San Francisco. In 2023, she received a promotion at GAP Corporation and is now a Buyer for the Old Navy Boys' Department over graphic tees. She's responsible for that wildly popular Old Navy FNAF tee-shirt you may or may not have seen around town. (Ask some kids about FNAF). She is also submitting her first horror novel (it's excellent) to agents and is planning on getting a motorcycle to make crossing the Golden Gate a bit easier next year. She has two adorable bunnies, Pooka and Binks.  CAMERON is in Utah County, having graduated in 2023 receiving a BS in Computer Science with an Animation emphasis and a Minor in Business. He loves his job as...
Post a Comment
Read more

Tips from Ms. MacGyver So I Can Be Prepared for...?

The power went out over here the other night. Big deal, right? But I swear Husband woke up the second it happened, like at 1:00 in the morning. Most people wake up to loud noises. How do you wake up from a power outage, I ask you. Anyway, we looked up the street and there wasn't any power anywhere. Now a normal person would just roll over in bed and enjoy the silence. I am, well, not normal and especially not when I've been woken up at 1:00 am. After ordering my husband to do things I can barely remember ("Do we have to unplug the refrigerator?", "Should we gather in one room to conserve body heat?") I laid in bed obsessing over the fact that we had no heat source. It was 1 degree outside, after all. Could we light a bunch of candles and gather around them? Why did we never get that fireplace put in? The power came on a couple of hours later. I was relieved that my fears of mass destruction due to alien invasion were most likely untrue. Or at least the...
2 comments
Read more