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The Deal With The Eggs (Easter Eggs, That Is)

I cannot cook. At least that’s what my family thinks. Personally, I like when I fry up onion/mushroom/spinach burritos. Can I help it if they have no taste? (My family, not the burritos.)

Whenever I host a family party, my mother, aunts and grandma offer to give me money for deli meat and rolls. They also offer to bring potato salad, green salad, pasta salad, chips, pop and a professionally decorated cake (thanks to professional cake decorater, Aunt Denise). And when I offer to bring salads or other goodies to their get-togethers, the reply is a kind, “No thanks.” Like I would really bring something with mushrooms!

Anyway, the annual Easter party is always at my house. Since all the food is so lovingly provided, I am always left wondering what to do. This year, Aunt Sindi (whose name I am never sure how to spell) thought it would be nice to decorate Easter eggs with the children/grandchildren/stray cats. I boiled 6 dozen eggs. Aunt Sindi brought two dozen just in case my egg boiling didn’t happen to turn out.

I got out the little color-coded cups, the stickers, the dye-filled Q-tips for drawing, the tie-dye egg kit and, of course the egg spinner—sort of like a blender but slightly more gentle. I recruited half the adults to help me man the stations. Not wanting to figure everything out while little ones romped with the supplies, we adults gave each method a thorough testing. We had so much fun, we had dyed a couple dozen (thank you Aunt Sindi) before a child came around the house and spotted us. As the kids grabbed eggs and dye, the circle of adults grew wider and wider. I attempted to sequester myself by a tree with the tie-dye kit, but soon six children surrounded me splashing dye everywhere. “Go play with the egg spinner!” I said. No one complied—my husband was hogging it.

I told Aunt Sindi that this little adventure meant I didn’t have to do the Christmas Eve Pageant wherein I tie sheets and wings and sheep around various children who act out the play while I read a narrative off of Aunt Sindi’s balcony.

“But you’re so good at it,” Aunt Sindi said.

“I’ll bring a cake.”

“No,” she said, a hint of panic in her voice. “You’ll do the pageant.”

Okay, so, I think I’m gonna have to do the pageant, too! But I am telling them for every hardboiled egg I was left with, I get an extra Christmas present.

I was left with all 96 eggs.

Maybe they thought my family needed a break from my cooking.

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