Ginger Unplugged

A post-it note stuck to a Scholastic Book order and placed carefully on my bed: Dear Mom, Since I know it might be 1:00 am by the time you finish watching LOST, I wanted to tell you why I wanted Inkheart (and yes I know I already have a copy). Reason #1: It is a book, not a remote control light switch [Ginger's note: a remote controlled light switch is also mentioned in the catalog, which she knew I wouldn't buy for her.] #2: Have you seen my old copy? It's torn to shreds. #3: The cover is way cool. #4: I was thinking about buying it at Borders but it would cost me $20.00. This copy only costs $5. I hope you see my reasoning. Sincerely, Princess P.S. If you don't buy it, my old copy will fall apart then you'll need to get a new one for $20.00.

Yeah, so just this morning I was blissfully admiring my amazingly bright children while organizing their cupboards, wiping off their counters, cooking their dinner, falling in the Wal-mart parking lot buying presents for their friends (Wal-mart and I have a hate-hate relationship--unfortunately we're stuck together). But it was all worth it! Because they (my children) were Turning Out . They were blooming. They were nearly BRAG WORTHY. And I really hate bragging. I even wrote that last braggy blog in all my "their blooming" bliss. And I didn't even mention how Butterfly has won the best behavior award in her class for two months running. How she got the coveted WOW award at school and is still floating around on cloud 9 about it. How she's better at being social than Oprah Winfrey (once she got over that meowing thing). Nor did I mention an email I got from Crash's teacher yesterday (you know, the "Can we please stick a shocking dog collar on him s...

There was a time when I knew everything that Princess knew and I knew where she'd learned it--generally from me. Or Elmo. Suddenly, here she is playing violin and I'll say, "Wow, that was great." "Oh yeah? I wrote it," she often replies. I wasn't even sure I believed her until I found her musical writings--scraps of paper with music staffs written on them covered with notes. "What's this?" I asked. "Oh, we can't figure out a good intro to Silent Night in Orchestra so I'm writing one." And then there was the whole orchestra and the teacher announcing that Princess had written the intro. And it was a very impressive one, too. She definitely didn't get that from me or Elmo. Then she came home the other night. "I'm in the Geography Bee," she said. This is even scarier than the music because if there is a disability for Geography, I have it. Especially on the local level. As in, "Where is my ...

Not my pregnant pain, not my hang-nail-chapped-lip pain or even the weird girl pain I get when not following the strictest diet known to man... but Amazon.com PERFECTLY understands my "Child's Astrophysics" pain. Last night a friend of mine asked if I'd ever considered writing a child's guide to astrophysics. This is because I pester him constantly about things like black holes, infrared light and the special theory of relativity on behalf of Crash (my nine year old). I think my friend is trying to get me to do my own research. Anyway, I figured maybe there were already twenty or so such guides and wondered why I hadn't thought of that. I searched Amazon's books for "Child's Astrophysics" and came up with nothing relevant for my boy's search for meaning. But still, they understand my pain. Here are some of the titles that popped up: Helping Your Unique Child Thrive in a Cookie-Cutter World An Adult's Guide to What's ...

Crash: "Oh WOW! My crystallized jellybeans RE-FORMED!" And by  Crystallized Jellybeans he means jellybeans he chewed up and spat out and left in a backseat cup-holder to rot. Butterfly: "Uh...that's a...Cheeto."

When Princess was a preschooler she tried long and hard to get us to dress up the cat for Halloween. "Don't you think he feels left out?" she asked. "But cats don't wear costumes," I replied. "He could go as part of YOUR costume," (I was a witch--of course). "But he can't carry a treat bucket." "I'll carry it FOR him." "Well, cats don't even eat candy." It was obvious we'd reached the whole point of the discussion. "I'LL eat it FOR him," she offered, eyes aglow with anticipation.

I have always felt my lips were fat enough, so I didn't really NEED the "lip plumping" lipstick at Aveda but I liked the color, which they were out of in the non-plumping variety. I never noticed any plumping action until I took the lipstick on a trip to Seattle and used it non-stop. I'd completely forgotten about the plumping thing until I randomly noticed that my lips DID look fatter in the hotel mirror. Weird. And then I kept biting them accidentally. And biting my cheeks. And then biting my lips and cheeks some more, over and over and over. I don't know if this happens to everyone or just people untalented with fatter lips than the good Lord gave them. But if it does, let me tell you, fat lips are NOT worth it.

I am having hormones. For those of you who may not know, this is because I'm pregnant. At least, I assume that's why I'm having hormones. Oddly enough I haven't cried about being pregnant even though this is what, the millionth child? And I'm planning on getting a closet ready for her arrival in May because, unfortunately, I only have 250,000 bedrooms and all those kids are already sharing with someone. So anyway-- Things that did bring a tear to my eye recently: 1. The song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". You know, the one where the Devil had a fiddling match over Johnny's soul and Johnny wins? So, so touching. 2. Crash being sooooo excited about his Darth Maul makeup. Ah. I'm so proud. (As a side note, we told him Siths are extremely obedient--it's working like a charm. I have to say I love to hear, "Yes, my Master," when I ask him to do things). 3. Obama's little slideshow before his nomination acceptance speech. I ...

Butterfly got to pick the movie for tonight and I expected a big sibling fight since I knew she'd choose either Cinderella or The Little Mermaid . She chose Iron Man !? We watched a heavily-edited-for-children version last week and apparently, she's been playing it at recess with a friend. "I'm Tony and my friend is Pepper. Plus we have dogs that fly, too." She then launched into her version of the "Iron Man" song by Black Sabbath complete with the catchy guitar solo in the intro. "Pepper" taught her the words. I was beginning to wonder what exactly had become of the girly girl I know and love when Husband produced a new Sleeping Beauty DVD and Butterfly promptly decided we should watch it instead. I was thrilled. It's worth a fight to preserve the illusion that we still have a princess in the house.

Do you ever have a half hour where you end up doing more than the entire week before it? Here are the highlights from 5:28 to 5:58. 1. En route to Barnes & Noble to buy Princess a book she HAD TO HAVE, there was a smacking fast accident right in front of my van. I didn't know what else to do so I just completed my right turn and let the other 80 people in the intersection deal with it. After reflecting on how apathetic I am, I 2. Came upon a Highway Patrolman a block up, pulled beside him with all my info and convinced him to red light and siren over to the wreck. Feeling good about myself in all ways I then 3. Walked into B & N only to find two fantastic authors having a book signing right in front of me. "Hey! Are you Brandon?" I asked Brandon Sanderson. "I am!" he naturally said. I told him that I wrote with Eric Stone and he oohed and aaahed as every writer loves Eric Stone (or at least knows him) and then I looked at the other author and said, ...

Not about me this time, about my writing buddy Becca Fitzpatrick. Remember that you heard her name here first because you'll be seeing it all over the shelves in 2010. She has a HUGE deal for her first published novel entitled Hush (or Hush, Hush --we'll see) with Simon & Schuster. This is going to be the next big thing. How can I tell? Because they're already paying her to write a second book. And she's brilliant. And this book is fantastic. It's an incredible page turner, a YA suspense/romance with fallen angels, scary rollercoasters, Barbie dolls and EVERYTHING. I couldn't put it down--and I can put everything down. So way to go, Becca. I'm SO excited for you!! And last, but not least, this means more celebration shoes for me. YAY! Check out Becca's blog if you like, you'll be glad you did.

I suspect regular readers of my blog will think this title refers to the Flying Monkey. It doesn't. It refers to me. For the uninitiated, "nursery" is a place to take toddlers at church where they are loved, fed snacks and given toys, music time and short lessons while their parents are spiritual or take naps in Sunday School. I was asked to help out for the day--but not for long. As soon as I got there, the Flying Monkey yelled, "No!" and "Go!" and screamed and cried and dragged me to the door over and over until the other nursery leader suggested I go and get someone else to take my spot. Apparently, he did just great after I left. I was actually looking forward to being in there but oh well. At least I got a nap.

Besides the fact that wearing my hair back for 48 hours apparently makes it fall out by the handful, my editor/publisher emailed this week and said she's going to send me a contract for another of my picture books called Wild Rose's Weaving . Yay! She loves it although it's completely different from Carmen's Sticky Scab . We're currently looking for the perfect illustrator and it will likely take a year or two for it to finally hit the shelves. Plenty of time for everyone to save up and buy a copy so I can afford a nice wig .

This is Butterfly's word for what she did to her finger today that made her cry and cry. "It's half way between crumble and crinkle."

"Ack! What happened to my chapstick?" Long pause of shock and horror. "Oh, there's a Cheerio in it."

I'm finally cool at video games--something I never thought I'd be (at least not since Space Invaders for the Atari fell out of favor). Crash recently received Lego Indiana Jones for the Wii. For the uninitiated, when characters are made out of Lego's on a video game, they are considered very chic and cost a lot of money. Anyway, as Crash and Wendell whip their little controllers around they are constantly trying to figure things out. Like, "Why's he dizzy over here? How do we get rid of snakes? Why do we need this necklace?" Because I was also cool enough to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark at least forty times as a teenager (I can pretty much quote it word for word) I could tell them answers like, "Are their snakes around--he's afraid of snakes. Try waving a torch at them. The necklace shows you where to find the Ark." And they lavish praise and adoration upon me each and every time. But if there are parts of the game that have to do with the FOUR...

Dan, Dan the Maytag Man Wants you to know Call three-five-six, oh-oh-nine-oh This (or something like this) was on the back of a van I saw the other day. And hence, the flashback to: Dan, Dan the Unicycle Man. Dan wheeled up to me my freshman year of college and said, I kid you not, "I bet you've never been hit on by a guy on a unicycle before." And he called himself Dan, Dan the Unicycle man on occasion. I wasn't in the mood to date at the time so I wouldn't go out with him. And he wrote bad poetry in retaliation. I copied a poem onto the blog, but then I figured I'd hate it if anyone put my poetry anywhere I didn't want it. So I cut Dan some slack. It was just something about how beautiful, brilliant and mean I am--nothing new there. So uh, yeah. That's my flashback. Thank you Mr. Dishwasher Repair guy. And best wishes to Dan wherever he may ride.

Many parents have predictions about what their kids will be when they grow up. Here are mine. Princess: Rainbow Warrior for Greenpeace Crash: Brilliant Scientist with a tendency to lose his shoes Butterfly: The owner of a purse and poodle store. You know, buy a bag to match your pet? Monkey: Iron Man. I've thought very deeply about this. There just isn't any other career that will contain him. I hope to teach him better values about the female gender. But other than that, he's perfect for the job.

Butterfly's Fortune (that she got in her Panda Express meal): "Allow yourself to make mistakes. You're only human." Butterfly's Response: "But the dolphins are perfect."

Butterfly ran up in high drama the other day. "Mom! I hate it when Sister says," (Butterfly now imitates Sister's whiny teasing voice) "Oooooh, did the little princess get hurt by a leaf? Ouch that must have hurt! And stuff like that, it makes me feel so bad. AND SHE WOULDN'T stop!" I gave Butterfly a hug as she cried and then she looked up at me with these huge eyes she has, grinned and said, "So I hit her with my bike."